My daughter wants her own IG account

“Help!” That was the first word I saw when my client’s text came through. She was with her preteen daughter and needed some advice on what was going on. She told me that her daughter was in tears because she wants her own Instagram account. My client asked, “My answer is ‘no,’ but how do I get through this conversation in one piece.”

We’ve all been here. And if you don’t have preteens yet, you’ll be here one day too! Your child is asking - nearly begging - for something they can’t have and you’re hoping for a civilized conversation vs. an argument. Is that even possible in these situations? It is. Here’s how.

My client was sure of her ‘no’ answer but wanted to find a way to maintain connection with her daughter during the conversation. So advised her to start the chat with lots of simple questions. Things like, “Why do you want an IG account?” and “Can you tell me more about why this is coming up now?” With these questions my client was able to get a fuller picture of her daughter’s inner world and expression of her desire for an IG account.

Then comes the validation - my client needed to then express to her daughter that it all made total sense. Even agree that it would be a lot of fun!

After all of that connection building, it was time for my client to share her ‘no’ - slowly, simply, and with compassion. The conversation ended with her daughter taking a big sigh and saying, “I know.”

That was three weeks ago, and her daughter hasn’t brought it up since!

This conversation was so effective because it was deeply rooted in empathy, non-violent communication, and connection. Because my client was able to give her daughter an abundance of space to express herself (i.e. she showed her empathy), her daughter was then very willing to hear her mother’s answer and rationale. In other words, her daughter was expressing empathy and understanding in return.

One of the best gifts of conscious parenting, is being able to strengthen a relationship through connection.