The Problem with “Gentle Parenting”

To parent gently. I love how that sounds and the feelings that come up for me. To parent gently would be to parent carefully, thoughtfully, and with peaceful words and actions. It would mean holding steady and strong when our children's emotions rage - welcoming them into the safety of our arms and presence. But that’s not Gentle Parenting. Or at least it’s not what comes up for folks when they consider the label.

Instead, what comes up are things like:

• Never telling a child, ‘no’

• A lack of boundaries

• A lack of consequences

• Failing to prepare children for the ‘real world’

• Fixing problems so a child doesn’t have to feel discomfort

Now, I’m not too interested in convincing folks to the contrary. If someone has decided that “Gentle Parenting” is in fact all of those things listed above, there isn’t much I’m going to be able to do to change their mind. So let’s throw it out. If that’s what Gentle Parenting has come to mean to you, I would absolutely recommend you not approach parenting in that way.

Instead, I’d invite you parent in a way that allows your child to build a strong relationship and secure attachment to you. And the good news? It’s not called Gentle Parenting. I honestly don’t know what it’s called. So might I suggest:

Working-on-our-own-emotional-regulation-so-that-we-can-show-up-for-our-children-in-ways-that-communicate-they-are-safe-and-valued-by-us-as-the-individuals-they-are-while-also-holding-boundaries-and-allowing-our-children-to-experience-concequences Parenting

And if that’s the kind of parenting you want to provide your children, stick around! I can show you how.