You Don’t Need Different Parenting Tools for Different Ages
It isn’t a commonly held belief.
We’ve come to think that we need a different set of strategies to parent our children at different ages or to tackle different scenarios and behavior challenges. I fundamentally believe that we don’t.
And while, yes, our children will grow and change and they’ll encounter new situations that are interpreted through the context of their developmental stage, there isn’t a new gold-standard parenting strategy you’ve never heard of before. Instead, there is a goal, an approach, and knowledge that will help you navigate any situation.
Let’s break down each.
At Parenting on Mars, the number one parenting goal is to establish a secure attachment with our children. Study after study confirms that this type of parent-child relationship leads to the best outcomes. Things like leadership skills, empathy, academic success, and the ability to regulate their emotions. In their book, The Power of Showing Up, Dr. Dan Siegel and Dr. Tina Payne Bryson explain that attachment style is, “one of the very best scientific predictors for how any child turns out…”
Once we know what we’re striving for (secure attachment!), we can begin to parent in a way that gets us there. Siegle and Payne Bryson describe the approach as “showing up” for your kids. I define showing up as parenting with peace, connection, and authenticity - all things we can do with our children of any age.
Easy peasy, right? Hardly. You know as well as I do, showing up with peace, connection, and authentically is tough - especially when we’re in challenging moments with our kids. This is where knowledge comes in. So much of parenting the way we want to starts with awareness. If we don’t have the knowledge around child development, nervous system science, brain development, and how our own upbringing shapes our parenting responses, then showing up becomes really really challenging.
Luckily, there are resources available to help guide parents who are striving to build that secure attachment. You’re already in the right place!
xoxo
Rachael
